Florida Smiles
You know you are in FLORIDA during the summertime when: 
  • The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. 
  • Hot water now comes out of both taps. 
  • You can make sun tea instantly. 
  • You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron. 
  • The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly. 
  • You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car. 
  • You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
  • You actually burn your hand opening the car door. 
  • You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. 
  • Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?" 
  • You realize that asphalt has a liquid state. 
  • The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground. 
  • The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt, and pepper. 
  • Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs. 
  • The cows are giving evaporated milk. 
  • The trees are whistling for the dogs.
Visiting Kissimmee

A man and his wife were driving their RV across Florida and were nearing a town called Kissimmee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it
KISS-a-me   ?
kis-A-me   ?
kis-a-ME   ?

They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town. Since they were hungry, they pulled into a restaurant to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress; "My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand?"

The woman looked at him and said; "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."
(Note:   Floridians pronounce it:      ka-SEM-ee  )
Oxymorons

 1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
 2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
 3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
 4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
 5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
 6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
 7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
 8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
 9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you
      know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV "set" when you only have one?
27. Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of
      a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
Florida Facts
  • The names of two of the approach procedures that all aircraft follow into their arrival at Orlando International Airport are named GOOFY TWO and MINEE TWO. Any pilot that flies into there can confirm this.
  • Ever see 'Back to the Future 2'? If so, you may remember that an almanac in the movie (which was made in the 80s and took place in the 50s) said that in 1997, Florida would win the World Series. Well, Florida didn't even have a team when the almanac was written or the movie was made. The Florida Marlins won The World Series on October 26th 1997.
  • Gatorade was named for the University of Florida Gators where it was first developed.
  • Flamingos get their pink color from the shrimp they eat. The more shrimp they eat the deeper pink they become.
  • Florida is not the southernmost state in the United States. Hawaii is farther south.
  • Florida is the only state that has 2 rivers both with the same name. There is a Withlacoochee in north central Florida (Madison County) and a Withlacoochee in central
    Florida. They have nothing in common except the name.

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